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Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Doesn't feel like writing any serious stuff or writing anything that can wreck my brain and make me have a headache. So, i'm opting for the good old fashion 'an essay about wat i did todae'. Guess that is what most people are doing anyway. Jotting down what happened todae, for reason of urmz.

Well, had a convo with my former classmate. Kinda deleted a lot from this section after typing so much cause it kinda dampens the motive of this post. Maybe i shud start posting alternating theme like for example, a happy and normal post but onlie to be followed by a well thought post immediately after that and so on. Cause well, it kinda corresponds with my personality of two. I can either be the crazy kid or the depressed kid. So it kinda reflects clearly on who i am through these posts.

Ok so much for that intro, i'm not feeling anything near cheery at all since well cause theres nothing to be happy about and urmz.. nothing kinda catches my attention. School orientation in the afternoon which kinda great at the end but quite boring initially. So well, got into my class, and had a former classmate from my secondary school still in the same class as me in my course. So basically my class not really geeky at all but i can see potential people that i'm gonna be annoyed at and some people whom needs a lil bit of shoving to start showing their true character. Lol. ok so maybe the fact that i hate my class now is because i dun noe them since we didn't even bother to get to noe each other yet. But time will reveal everyones true personality. Only time will tell.

So didn't really do much rite after that cause i was dismissed from my class alone and met Syazwan again at the Dover station. Went to play a few games of pool at Lot 1. Had a couple of wins and losses. Not reallie constant for my part since my concentration is not reallie 100% through out the whole session. Ended the whole pool session and thought of going to the jamming session on jurong east but thought against it. So i returned home rite after the pool thing. Hafiz called saying the session ended already and wanted to meet but well i was already at my home already. Too bad~~ hehe.

So changed a lil bit of my layout cause i'm kinda irritated that my post always takes so little space when i post a new post(that sounded corny but the heck). So kinda enlarged the font and all, the height or wat the hell that is ar. I'm knowledgable abt this stuff but i'm just too lazy too noe too much abt it. Hehe, well i dunnoe why i'm just lazy to do stuff. Cause being excited over everything is just too tiring and people will give u that death glare all the time. And being cheery all by urself in public sure makes u look dumb. Haha, ok i just had a great idea. I'll dare myself to be cheery all day even when i'm alone.. how i'm gonna do that. Well i have no idea myself. I wonder how the people around me will react. Ok so now that makes two dare for myself. What is the first dare? U dun have to noe abt it anyway. Lol.

Ok so another well, almost pointless journal abt my life todae. Await the next post for angst or just skip it for the next next post which will be pointless again.

-Signing Off-

arfandi used up his time at 10:03 PM

Saturday, June 26, 2004

Someone's comment is still ringing in my head right now. I wonder why. Maybe cause it hits the right chord in my never ending problem that i've been experiencing. Issit possible that i've been lying to myself by being someone that i can never be. Still, being myself, i wonder how myself suppose to be. Wat is the real me? Be yourself. Does it mean being in a form or in a lifestyle that i can achieve or do things at its optimal level? or just a form where i can gain the most happiness? Guess the answer to this question isn't definite at all. Maybe it depends on how u want ur life to be. What kind of life i want? Am i suppose to know it now? Will i ever find the answer as to when i will know my destiny? or will i be damn to a life with no destiny? Issit possible for a life to continue with no purpose to hold on to? So much question yet still no answer. Only time will tell.

I wonder why people kept saying i'm being angsty and being depressing all the time. The word 'depress' means to be down and reallie2 sad. To feel complete remorse and a feeling of helplessness? Yet again, a word thought up by man is up to how a person defines it to be. Does my friends definition of 'depress' so shallow that as mere as being sad over something is already considered as being depressed? This question only be answered by them. Don't reallie wanna make any assumption.

Does talking about ur emotions and feelings reallie gives a dark and angsty image? Or the fact that its a topic so taboo as they could not comprehend it at that its too scary to probe on? I'm not gonna say that i'm unique as to venture into these kind of stuff. Just trying to figure out why these stuff are usuallie left out in our vast list of topics in conversations. Does a teenage conversation consists of things as schools, homeworks, shopping, sports and fashion style that the discussion of the human emotion seems alien? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. Maybe its a topic not easily comprehend by most teenagers. Maybe its something i should save it for later.

Heh, phew. That was hard to think up. Tried to refrain from assuming anything but well even if i do say i'm not assuming anything, some people will twist it in a deformed manner that it makes it look like i'm assuming stuff. So, don't bother twisting it around cause i'm not answering anything to it. Too bad. Comments which does makes sense to me are of course going to be read.

arfandi used up his time at 4:49 PM

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Ok, how the hell did i get here? uhh.. wheres the exit? lol, ok that looked stupid. Was just going around the net untill i stumbled upon my own blog. Haiz, well since it isn't updated for quite a while and since theres a need to change some info so thought i could at least post something for today.

Cleaned up my comp for a while and deleted all the old songs that is piling up and eating away my hard drive space. Manz, i'm dang envious of Hafiz's new comp. His specs are way better than mine. Lol, well not jealous anyway cause its not surprising at all since my comp is like three years old already and in need of upgrading. Gonna go around and check how much it cost to pack another 20 gb hard drive and double my Ram since nowadays its needed anyway. All those demanding games which requires high end specs. Grrr, Not blaming my comp. Blaming humans for wanting more graphics. lol.. including myself .. irony.

The day kinda passed uneventfully cause i woke up kinda late and all. Then got myself into some miraculous cleaning spree after seeing how clean Hafiz's desktop is. So, kinda move my ass to cleaned up something.(Finally, u moved ur ass, lol, thought u'd die rotting sitting) Grr, yeah yeah. Lol, been becoming damn lazy nowadays cause well, nothing to do and my usual lifestyle of staying at home, staring at the computer screen everyday. Lol. Maybe i can finish up one assignment by todae or something. Not that its alot or anything. Gah, i'm dang lazy~~~

I wonder why on this blog, i keep feeling like as if no one will read this fic. Wonder why i felt that way, way back. Well, theres two possible reason. No tag board and no counter. How stupid can i be back then? (Hey hey, stop calling urself stupid, stupid) Lol, yeah yeah. Guess getting my habit back of scolding me own self. Lol. Still, i wonder if anyone even still read this blog. Still wondering the purpose of blog. Still wonder the purpose of personal webpage anyway. How thick can one get manz? How exciting can ones life be? (its just that ur life is boring Baaaa-ka~~..) Lol, yeah i guess thats one possible reason. (thats the ONLY reason) Lol. Ok shud stop talking to myself.

Miraculously, todaes post isn't about some serious matters again like i usuallie do. Maybe when i start my poly life, i could add some content and meat into this pathetic blog of mine. ( who u calling pathetic?) Not u stupid. Lol. Yeah, guess maybe about chemical engineering or maybe bore u guys with my boring life. Lol, depends. But how interesting can one life be without breaking the man down. Thats one thing i gotta think for now.

-Signing Off-

arfandi used up his time at 8:12 PM

Friday, June 18, 2004

Okay, i'm trying to look at it in the right perspective and not gonna be complaining on my problems rite now. So to solve this problem is to know wat the problem is.

The problem: I'm stuck at home with no food and no money because my parents has just left me with no food and no money when they enjoyed themselves by travelling to Melaka without telling me. Ok maybe they did, but i wasn't even awake, more like half asleep.

How to tackle this problem: I'll just have to make do with the food that i have rite now even if its frigging cold and not nice at all. I'll just have to wait for my sis to arrive home later on midnight and ask her about the money my parents left behind too. Ok problem managed.

Manz, and i wasted my time being frigging angry over my parents for leaving me behind with no food and money. To add salt to the wound, they took away my NETS card which i reallie depeneds on for my daily bucks. But since they took it away, too bad then. Meaning i have to stay at home and rot.

I don't feel like talking about how lousy my day was cause the more i think abt it, the more i'm gonna get pissed off. My stomaches rumbling and my body is sore and all. Well, after all this predicament, i don't think i have anything to talk about or my usual stuff. Lol, i hate talking abt my life cause its very boring.

Ok maybe i do have something to talk about.

Sometimes when u look at someone, u don't reallie noe wat kind of person he or she reallie is. Considering i have double personality when the situation needs, i kinda start thinking whether other people have this similar take on their life. To start things off is to why i take two personality. Basically, the public image and the personal image are two different things for me. Naturally, i'm quite a serious person, with way too mature thinking and always has headaches when i think abt serious stuff and all. This side of me is onlie seen in MSN or to close people that i trust. Eventhough people say that u have to be urself in public so that people can accept u. But after trying to act my personal self in public, its reallie hard becoz most of the people i'm with is too naive or they are just too happy go lucky to take a closer look on life. My Serious take on things kinda put things off the balance since not many people can agree with the stand that i take. So basically, there comes the second personality that i make for myself. The public self that i make for myself, u guessed it. The crazy me who doesn't think twice to do stuff. Doing stupid stuff as if its no ones business. But sometimes i can't put up the charade cause the self within me boils to emerge out. So sometimes, when i'm crazy at one point, i'd get reallie depress and reallie angry the next minute becoz the public image i put up is contradicting the inner self in me. The inner conflict that keeps on brewing starts to get out of hand and affects me by making me depress.

So i wonder if people out there have this same situation as i do. But i wonder if i'm just too stupid to think that i'm the onlie one having these kind of things.

Lol, that doesn't make much sense anyway, just wanna let it all out.

arfandi used up his time at 7:29 PM

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Well, shifted back here cause diaryland kinda suck with its stupid traffic congestion and all. Blogspot, well it isn't really that great either but at least it had higher bandwidth. I don't realli wanna wait for a few hours just to post my updates. The feelings just right if its posted right there and there rather than delayed due to low bandwidth.

Been on a movie frenzy these past few days, kinda exciting cause i'm kinda feeding my deprivation from watching these shows last time considering my financial status. So now taking the opportunity to enjoy as much as i can before the school starts at an ungodly moment and also at a time where i'm starting to get the feeling of the holidae. Stupid mind, failing to kick in to the mood when the holidae's still fresh. Lol. Well, this blog is kinda old anyway, dated way back when i was taking my o levels. Kinda forgotten abt my lil alter ego and my depression over nobody visiting the site. Lol. Stupid me, not adding a counter. How am i suppose to know if anyone even visit? And i didn't even add a tag board before. Grr, how can i be so damn stupid last time?

Tried to add a scrollbard for this blog but its impossible as the body and the navigation bar are of one layer. So basically gotta keep my updates very long so that it can compensate the kinda long navigation bar. Gonna keep my page to 3 posts onlie. Don't wanna make it seem too long or it'll look ugly. Kinda love this layout cause its plain and simple and theres red and black. Wheee.. yeah yeah. Lol.

So there ya go, and update on this newly resurrected and dusty blog. Not using the previous one anymore due to reasons written in the beginning of this post. Gotta go off now and inform my so limited links of friend for my blog. Lol, how much was it again? (10..) 10? yeah, 10 links of friends. Lol. Well, thats still a number.

So signing off, Sayonara..

arfandi used up his time at 3:05 AM

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