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Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Argh, after like months of not giving in to anger and frustration, i fell into this emotion due to something that is not really that big of a deal. I promised myself to be happy and be optimistic in poly yet my past is crawling back to me, reminding me of how pessimistic and angry person i was. Ok fine, its just an excuse but its like i wonder why i seem to react the way i used to last time when dealing with old friends, keeping up the sucky image that i have unintentionally created in the course of four years during my secondary school days.

Am i being a hypocrite.. am i holding up an image?

arfandi used up his time at 10:51 PM

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Gonna post for tonite cause i reallie have nuthing to do. So was checking on my blog and was waiting for a tag or something. Lol. So was doing dat almost daily and i still theres none. Then, it got me thinking, why am i so addicted to people tagging my board? Issit becoz of a sense of recognition, or just becoz i want to find a purpose on continuing this blog. To give is to gain in return, wat am i gaining from doing something like this. Lol. These, will be discuss later in the next paragraph. Stay Tuned.

Before i get down to the main highlights, would like to jott down wat happened todae. Kinda had this stupid module called IDEAS which i totally hate cause this freaking woman lecturer is so frigging bias and keeps looking at gerls works onlie and going bla bla bla abt it being so nice. So was freaking stuck in that class, FORCED to be creative and draw to ur hearts content. If it was me i wud have draw anime but no anime this time. So was freaking stuck on wat to do. Left with drawing some thing which was kinda nice. Thinking of keeping it as a style though i doubt i'm the only one using it. So watever with the module.

Went for a run, a tiring run considering it was one year ago that i ran. Didn't bother to train my fitness during he 6 months and first semester. So was totally shacked and beat. Though i manage to finish 8 laps, it was kinda dissappointing. Oh yeah forgot to tell, went running with Saul and Ridzwan. Right after that, we went swimming which was kinda close from the stadium. Did a couple of laps, which was frigging tired after that run. My leg nearly cramped but luckily it didn't.

Ok to the main story. I'm trying to not expect something from blogging. The sole purpose of blogging, to jott down the things that ur heart fails to speak. So was thinking, damn, i dun need this cause i can talk with my frens abt these kind of stuff and if i were to depend on something like this to relieve myself temporarily, its kinda pathetic. Though, i keep getting this feelings all the time, can't bear to delete it away, lol. i wonder why. the things that have been keeping me going on is kinda waning. Expecting a tag, expecting someone to at least post something on it, it makes me feel so pathetic. Its kinda stupid anyway for me to be doing this, but the sole purpose of me writing is for at least someone to visit. Lol, yeah someone did told me to go around.. bloghopping and spreading my url. But, if its a blog, shudn't it be just the people that are close to me, but yet, they came they left, without a trace. Lol, it feels so sucky inside, yet this still has to go on.

So enuff with my stupid rants and hope u guys have a jolly good time in this festive season. (i shudn't say this but wat the heck) Merry Christmas!

arfandi used up his time at 10:42 PM

Saturday, December 18, 2004

some people has it worser than me.. living in this time of peace and ease, how will i react when i've seen the atrocities of life that i have fortunately fail to experience.. its not wise for me to feel so high and mighty now without understanding the feelings of the people that are undergoing tougher times.

though on a brighter note, if i were to be aware of this stuff all the time, it'll kill me off quite soon huh? living a life full of guilty is, well, honestly i dunnoe how it feels like. so, i envy u guys eh? those people who have been through tougher times yet came out ok, they are truly strong willed people. people who would appreciate the world better than us, who have not known the feeling of hardship. kudos to them.

ok veered offline abit. eventhough we are aware of all this, we're no saint, we're no superman. so how shud we be to show that we care? help as much as u can, be smart abt it. be aware of it and never turn a blind eye on it.

haha, wat kind of propaganda is that. lol. signing off.

arfandi used up his time at 8:50 PM

Friday, December 17, 2004

Updating this well very early in the morning of fridae cause well, i was a tad distracted yesterdae due to something that happened on the night of thursdae. Ok before i got to that, updates on the things dat i kinda said i'll do. The two drawings that i kinda said i'll be cging.. well its still not done yet cause well, lol, i was procrastinating it for quite a while. No motivation for me to continue but i kinda still love the piece. Kinda finished one of the drawing but its kinda unprofessionally done. i wonder how those people cged it nicely.

So kinda playing a game called "Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed Owaranai". Yeah, its in japanese but who cares, i kinda know the whole story of gundam seed already so it was a breeze to play through. Already completed Kira's side of the story, now left with Athrun's side and the MSV section. Oh yeah, i'm totally impressed with the MSV section cause i totally LOVE the gundam msv. what is an MSV? Well, its basically "mobile suit variations". Like for example, the main story they have this typical mobile suits, but MSV they kinda combine some of these mobile suits together to make it look nice or upgrade it heavily which looks totally awesome. Whats the purpose? Basically its for sales purposes but who cares, as long its nice, thats fine by me.

Ok on to the main story. I finished school late yesterdae at around 5. Kinda met with my girlfren at around 7. Maybe she actuallie didn't want to meet me at first, but wun jump to conclusion. So as usual it kinda started out sucky. Then i kinda told her this story which kinda upset her up. Wanna know the story? urmz, i don't think i have enough time to write up now. So next post i'll tell u the story. So she was kinda upset and was totally quite the whole way home. It was reallie annoying on my part actuallie cause i was reallie hard thinking wat the hell did i did which cause her to be that upset. Tried to send her home but she said if i wanted to go home i can turn tail now. But i didn't want to cause i reallie felt bad if i were to go off now without knowing wats wrong. But she kept closed up, not telling me wats wrong. Maybe she expects me to know wats wrong. Hell, these kind of things.. thats why theres so many failed relationships. I mean, so wat if u're in a relationship, u can't expect ur partner to always noe wats wrong. Wat? u saw in a movie that they always noe when somethings wrong? Then be realistic and live in the real world. Though i wasn't angry at her, i was upset too seeing her that way. Again with my unintentional mistake.

Ok too long already i'll try to continue in my next post. Cya then!

arfandi used up his time at 7:50 AM

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Phew, when was the last time i updated? Heh, looks like nobodies reading it anyway. Thats wat u get for leaving something for too long eh? U keep passing by it expecting something new to be there yet its still the same. its like an empty house, u keep passing by it, expecting for some new tenants to live in it, but eventually no one did, so u didn't bother passing by it anymore. Feeling dissappointed. Lol, guess i did dissappoint the readers. Rite now, i'm updating cause i felt sorry for my blog, it feels so stagnant.

To tell you the truth, i was searching for a nice layout all this while to change my layout which was criticised? Lol. This time i did place the credit there so hope no ones gonna point out something out of my blog anymore.

School's already started for me, which kinda sucks but ok at the same time. Got to meet my poly friends again which i kinda didn't contact actively during the holidaes. Heh. Looks like this semester gonna be kinda exciting. Though thats how u feel everytime u have something new, after a while u get sick of it and start hating it. Such short attention span human has. More like referring to myself. Haha.

No matter how long we've been apart, the feelings still the same, maybe stronger.

arfandi used up his time at 10:02 PM

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