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Sunday, September 24, 2006

Don't expect this kind of post to be circulating around my blog much, cause I don't usually write about my personal life alot. Though, I think there are some people out there that I promised I would give an update on hows life been going on for me.

First and foremost, life's been a very huge challenge for someone like me who has never faced such predicaments before, issues such as being kicked out of school, owing people money and having a family rift between my family members. It particularly hard for me cause I believe that I've (not gonna go with the everyone cause this post will be rather personal) never really taken my life seriously. All those things that I've told myself that I've got my life under control and that nothings going to change to what I've planned, well turned out, went out of control and veered way off what I've planned. Feeling frustrated, depressed, all those negative emotions that I've learnt so hard to despise resurfaced, reminding me that life was never meant to be predictable. That changes were bound to happen, and this quote from Kenneth's blog struck a chord in my head, which is 'Nothing will ever stay the same, cept that changes is the only thing constant'.

Being a teenager approaching adult, really does make you go through this roller coaster ride of revelations. Sure they may not be happy all the time, sometimes sadness and the feeling of lost is equally present. Or should I say, the whole library of emotions are spilled out for us to truly feel and experience each and every one of it. Though, should I feel frustrated or moan about things like 'if only' things happened this way, so I would never have felt such experiences? I should shouldn't I? I believe its the contrary. The chance to experience such dilemma or memories are things that should be cherished and blessed. I'm not preaching, but seriously, and no, I'm not trying to make myself feel better, I believe that not everyone are able to experience such things, and such things are what gives meaning to the life that we are living.

Not saying that I've seen everything, quite the opposite. I believe there are still much more for me to experience. I'm not even past 20, but to be able to experience such predicament makes yourself feel that, hey, life is not really that predictable after all.

So what happens now with my life? Life now, to me seems much more fulfilling. Lifes been really hard on me, but I'm moving on. I'm trying to request an appeal back into the school. All goes well, I'm delighted. Everything goes not as I wished for, most probably I'll be working part-time for a while. Wait for my enlistment letter to come, and do what my country requests me to do. Get a full-time job after that, do my private diploma with the cash that I earns. Help my family, invest some money for my future and we'll see how it goes from there. The greatest gift that I've acquired in being kicked out of school, is a glimpse of freedom. Though this gift, to some is there greatest nightmare. Its all a matter of perspective.

arfandi used up his time at 5:50 PM