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Sunday, November 12, 2006

How's life been for me? Well, its disappointing. What have I been doing when what I SHOULD be doing, uhh you don't want to know. Maybe a summary would do huh? Most people don't know what's been going on anyway, nor they care.

Being kicked out of school has been something but a far memory for me. At first I couldn't help but felt sorry for myself, all the wasted years. For nothing. Regaining myself from that took me a while I guess. So I decided that I should start working part-time and working out for my napha test for NS.

Did I do that? Guess not. Maybe I should start thinking and deciding for myself. I NEED to start telling myself my LIFE is already different from the others. I can't go on living the life of students, who goes to school and hangs out after that. They have SOMETHING they're fighting towards. I don't.

On another issue, being out of school, unemployed and untrained brings me back like the days went I was waiting for my 'O' level results. Just suckier. Though being free makes you have all the time in the world to prod on the issues that usually get pushed to the back of your mind. So what has been bothering me due to the immense time at hand? My girlfriend.

It was so much easier waiting when there's always something distracting you such as school or work. Don't be mistaken, my relationship with her isn't like the typical couples outside though I wish sometimes yet I can't be selfish, uhh you know what I mean. If you don't then you're a very, very, ok let's have a chat some day, I'll explain.

So I've been waiting, and what the hell is a relationship if you just wait? mine. Crud, she doesn't know I love her so much. And she's going with this 'hey I don't wanna make you suffer by waiting longer' thing. Definitely it is noble, but that is just excuse for you to make yourself feel that you've made the right choice. So letting me go cause you feel that I deserve better, please don't make me go through that twice.

No idea if she reads this, but occasionally she does. And she doesn't tag anyway. She comes and sees and goes, without leaving a presence.

I've always wanted a normal relationship, but instead I always get the weird kind. Note to self: There was never a normal relationship.

arfandi used up his time at 3:21 AM

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