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Saturday, December 30, 2006

Yearp, another post eventhough I posted one two days ago. Darn, I DON'T count the previous one as well, one. Had the urged to post up this one since I just realised something about myself.

Just a brief re-cap on my life in the past. A Jerk. Total Failure, Loser and etc. No no, I'm not saying I was like that, its just something about me back then who likes to blow things out of proportion. Kicking myself down to the ground was a favourite past time. Degrading my own work was something of a habit. I had such a pathetic self esteem that even a small group of people found it cute. Figures, I have no idea what goes through their mind, depression = cute. Wth. So yeah, I was quite a pessimist back then, teenage angst was turned on full speed. I always felt like I wasn't good in anything. Not in sports, studies, music or arts.

Those were the days, periods of my life where I was searching for an identity, searching for what I'm good at. Though, in the end, I didn't found anything.

I only found it way after that.

So yeah, what a dramatic opening. I just realised that back then, it was way impossible for me to be like, magnificent in anything, nor am I saying I am now. Though now, at least I know I'm A-Ok in certain things which I realised, that back then I was extremely horrible at last time. Take for example soccer, sure I was a diver last time, though its unintentional, just my low body mass. Now, I'm able to keep my ground, make timely tackles and score couple of goals if I really want to, that is like during shelter soccer.

Though, there is two aspects of my life that I know I'm not extremely great, nor am I talented to start with, but I'm proud of, which is music and arts.

Gawd, you have no effing idea how mediocre I was as a musician back then. I knew I couldn't be as great as Yngwie Malmsteen or Santana, but I realised my strength isn't in the technicality of the guitar. Its in the creation of songs itself is what I'm rather, not to say talented, but have a knack of. I know I started out horrible with the song 'Why' which is quite legendary among the Scarlet Soul's members by now, but I continued trying to make new songs after that, with songs such as 'Running Away' or 'Virgin's Said'. Don't mind the naming, it's Zali's.

In Arts, crap, I realised how I was struggling drawing hands in Art class, having difficulty trying to draw the image in my head. You have no idea how my anime drawings started at first, they were so horrible I almost pushed a fork in my eyes if I were to look at it again. Okok, won't diss my work, but just proving my point that I had to start somewhere. Though I won't say my recent drawings are incredible, but they are WAY better compared to the ones I first drew.

So what issit that I'm trying to derive here is that, I failed to learn back then that we all have to start somewhere, no matter how sucky its gonna be, or how pathetic its gonna turn out. We all have to start from not knowing how to do it, and learn from there and move forward. We can't expect to be great when we first start. Like how I started to draw horrible, or how I started to create songs which well, I think would make you collect bile in your throat.

Therefore, what I have to say for those who'd like to start off something new, don't give up if at first it turns out miserable. You'll learn from there and make a better one after that. Even if the progress is slow, you'll realise that you're much better than before. Criticism from friends are really nothing to be hurt from, if they flame you over something unrelated, kick their ass back. I grew from taking opinions from others. From there, I create a style of my own. And I stick with it.

Phew, ok felt relieved after writing that down. I just wanted to vent out those thoughts after being reminded of my past. Glad I had a good change for these past few years.

arfandi used up his time at 10:56 PM

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Okay, I know this update is definitely dued. Well, to start things off, I seemed to realise that my tagboard is rather dead, the reason behind it is still rendered a mystery. The fact that I've already replied the tags from people, it SEEMED that people are scared to somehow tag on it. Shrugs, you guys decide on what's going on.

Anyway, I did mentioned on my tagboard about my sudden inactivity (though it was just 3 days). The reason behind it is that I was working for this christmas carnival at Expo Hall 6 with none other than Rauff, thanks to Yamin who called us up if we wanted some short job assignment. Well, it was a So-so job with quite an OK pay considering its just for 3 days. We were basically taking care of stalls and well, games. I had to take care of this gladiator arena while Rauff had to take care of some soccer game called 'Penalty Kick'. Since it was something new to us (somehow me and Rauff always do alot of ODD jobs), we were quite oblivious to what we would expect. It was quite exciting at first but after a while, we got used to it and well it kind of turned boring in a way.

We got our 100 bucks for the 3 days work, yeah it was measly but we savour on our hard earned cash on well, what else, food. And snacks, and a couple of food. Ok, guess our celebratory event is always an eating fest. Figures.

Crap, I can't believe I had to resort to posting a what I did for today kinda post for an update. Ugh, you know how I had to do that to my own blog. Don't you expect such updates anytime sooner. Anyway, I'll be doing that continuation of that 'story' for those who still remembered. Till next time.

arfandi used up his time at 5:25 PM

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The fact that I'm updating right now means that I just grabbed myself some free time to give my attention this blog. Honestly, I felt like this week is turning out to be filled to the brim what with the frequent going out and the incoming job during the weekends.

Been visiting loads of blogs and I realised that different blog has different themes. For example, the few that I've visited does goes about posting things that comes by occassionally and gives opinions about it. Some is the typical what I do today and you guys should know about it kinda blog. Though, no matter what it is, I realised that different people leads a so-not-different lifestyle depending on their age group.

For example, poly students have a high chance of blogging about their assignments and projects due and the occassional getaway. For the guys on the other hands, there MAY be a glimpse of soccer enthusiasm here and there. For girls, there MAY be about guys trying to get their numbers at town or whatsoever.

Though, alot of people wants to have something different in life but we can't help leading a life quite as linear as what other's life is. We grow up, go to school, get education as far as possible, get a job, get married, get childrens and then we die happy. Sometimes, people struggle too much trying to fulfill one part of these things that we tend to feel that our life is droning.

Thats where things such as hobbies, knowledge, vacations, travelling, or whatever activities that comes in between creates the diversity between each and everyone's lives. For me, I find liberation when creating things, be it drawings, making plastic models, writing stories or writing poems (yes, I do write poems sometimes). Others indulge in sports such as soccer, swimming just to name a few to make their life more fulfilling.

Therefore, get out there and do something to make your life more colourful. You don't have to dive off a 100 story building or survive a plane crash to make it more interesting. Just doing something simple as gardening or decorating your room makes your life more exciting and less, well, droning.

Spare me the annoyance, I know I make too long of a post everytime I update. Haha.

arfandi used up his time at 9:58 PM

Friday, December 15, 2006

Guess I'm growing rather attached to this blog, most probably since its my companion in times I'm staring right in front of the monitor and yet no movement can be detected off my fingers. Yes, I'm stoning right in front of the computer. This phenomenon isn't normal, it only occurs to people who logs into the net for the sake of habitual instincts even when there isn't a need to do so. While trying to think of something to do, it seemed they're like stoning right in front of the screen.

Public Announcement

I find it extremely picky when it comes to reading other people blogs. I find it excruciatingly particular in how the posts are well, posted. I'm frigging pissed off reading post which has no sense of paragraphing, no sense of capital letters for words that needs it and well, the usage of words. Not saying you have to be savvy about the words usage, even simple words can do. Shortforms, acceptable if used with consideration but SMS shortforms, NO.

Ok guess I am picky, but come on, just because its an internet blog, you have to use all those SMS terms. Blogging is a way of civilian journalism where normal citizens like us can use such an outlet to give information, news or whatsoever to the internet community readers, such as blog readers, blog hoppers. So I find it necessary that while relaying your thoughts, one should at least ATTEMPT to make it understandable and readable. I'm not trying to diss new bloggers from trying out blogging, but please, while typing, the least you could do is re-read what you've written, see if its sanely possible to read, then press that orange colour button. This small act of courtesy will save loads of readers from killing themself trying to read your post. On a milder occasion, they'll just skip your blog and read on others.

Thus, this is the public announcement to all bloggers, such as you and me and people who do. Thank you for reading.

arfandi used up his time at 4:29 PM

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Finally, after missing out on soccer in the afternoon, and also someone not replying my message, which means I miss applying for the job, I came to complete this picture which spent quite well 5 days of my life. Somehow, some people have rather mix feelings about this picture, people ranging from serious reviewers to relaxed ones.

What do I think about this picture after finishing it? I felt that I experimented alot with this picture, firstly with the skin toning. Tried adding other colours to make it more vibrant as pointed out by Pong. For the first time ever, I tried painting clouds, which has been my inner most desire ever since I got fascinated by the mere sight of clouds. Got this huge help from a tutorial I found on Deviantart from AquaSixio. Though I didn't personally thank him, hopes this credit might sufffice. Check out his works on Deviantart.

The comments I got from people are as so: She's too thin, She's NOT busty.

Haha, somehow that kinda tickles my tummy abit, honestly, to answer to that, its a picture based of someone I know. This pictures also tries to depict that not ALL girls has to be busty, or healthily filled, or sexy. There are some girls out there who do not strives for personal beauty cause its not entirely crucial. I felt that photoshopping isn't only used for making girls more beautiful, but to also create pictures such as this. So what issit that I'm trying to say, is that, not all pictures created needs to depict the perfection of a person but the chance to depict imperfection too.

Ok here goes.

Original Resolution

Personally, I feel kinda proud of this work. In the eyes of someone else, it maybe far from being perfect but I felt that I took a fairly huge step forward with this work. Thanks for viewing and hope you'd share with me what you feel about this.

arfandi used up his time at 5:06 PM

Monday, December 11, 2006

Just dropping by cause well, gonna give an update on that drawing I mentioned the previous post. Making an excruciatingly slow progress, been having loads of problems with my wrist cause it simply hurts after like painting the picture for 3 hrs non-stop. Kinda bruising there a bit, been through it loads of times already. Before I post up the latest progress of the work, just gonna discuss something first.

I realised I made an extremely pathetic mistake back during choosing the course that I took. I had two paths to follow, the path of following what I like to do or the path which brings in the cash. At that point of time, I chose the path that brings in the cash. Why? I have no idea, at that point of time I thought, work is work, fun is fun. You don't have to love your job as long as it brings in the income. That is such a mentality I was with, back what, 2-3 years ago?

At that point of time, I was getting advices from dads and uncles saying get a job with the big bucks, big in the industry, bla bla bla. This is what intrigues me, what is with our parents and big bucks industry anyway? I'm am particularly aware of the importance of money, but it seems like their life revolves around money. Which is true, but I wonder, what do they do for entertainment sake anyway?

That is the thing that I realised, the era that they have lived was an era of entertainment scarcity whereas we have abundance of those. So their motivation that drives them is basically money, and the fact that their advices are well, go for the big bucks.

Whats the purpose of this discussion? Shrugs, just taking a stab at the issue. Its incomplete though, just want to know what you guys think about this too.

Oh before I forget, the picture. As again, better resolution, click the link.

Original Resolution

arfandi used up his time at 2:25 PM

Friday, December 08, 2006

The reason for today's post is actually rather pathetic, the situation is this. I just completed halfway through this lineart that I did which was, months ago, maybe a year ago, which I just got to start working again. Why the long hiatus? Hrmz, to tell you the truth, I kind of forgot about the drawing actually. So was rather browsing through my files when I realised the lineart was kinda cool. Had to tweak the neck a bit cause I used to draw the necks too long and redrew the hands, cause the original ones was rather sucky. Not to say the edited ones are any better, but well at least its BETTER than the previous. Even to a small degree.

Ok that was a rather beat around the bush introduction, so onto the problem. I didn't have someone comment on it, well not anyone on my contact list that I feel I want to though. Then I realised my blog could serve as one, though I'd rather refrain from doing so in fear people will flame the work that I've done. Why this time? I feel rather proud of this one though.

So hear ya go, I wonder how you guys feel about it. Its no where near done, just the skin tones. The cape and the sword, plus the background are way not done as you can see. I feel like cheating cause I don't need to colour the eyes since its already closed.

Yeah, I HATE my blog cause the only way the image can fit nicely is by putting it to small. Visit this link instead to view it in a bigger AND better resolution.

Original Resolution

arfandi used up his time at 7:15 PM

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I've just realised, ok maybe not JUST, that my blog is very laggy. I blame the slide.com feature. Oh, crap, you know how sucky it feels when you've just logged on to blogger with a story in mind to update but due to all the waiting and stuff, you kind of forgot what you initially wanted to write anyway? That is what I'm feeling right now. Ah heck, guess I have to think up on what to talk about along the way.

Oh yeah, why I didn't update regularly nowadays? Its the usual don't know what to talk about cause my life has been rather non-existent.

I've been thinking, loads of people wants to have an adventure, wants to have exciting lives wants to have things that they desire. Though, its all but a mere dream since they perceive such things as well, dreams. Sure definitely alot of people say, come on, you got to be realistic, you got to follow the norm. I'm sure alot of people will be offended by this, but why are we killing our dreams just because things doesn't look like it'll lead to that? Damn, this pisses me off, cause for gawd sakes, if you want to see what you want, work towards it. Not kill it off saying, ah this can't be done.

Ok now that that is off my system, why is there this phenomenon of people not pursuing their dreams? In my opinion, just to name a few is that, alot of people's dream has been dashed through the journey of life, and they feel that why would we bother dreaming and hoping for something so unachievable and get hurt instead. They would rather work towards something achievable, something that is easily attained, to protect themself from being hurt due to disappointment. Just my two cents. Let me know what is your take on this issue.

arfandi used up his time at 1:24 PM

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