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Saturday, March 24, 2007

Been dying to actually get my butt onto a chair and upload a new post. Though most of the time, I'd be stumped on what to actually write about. You know, I know that I would never resort to actually typing out what the hell happened today unless if it's something that needs mentioning. Guess now that I'm actually posting something means I've got something to actually voice out about.

Knowing me, throughout my life, going my way to fulfill the desire or need of others seemed like something that I religiously try to practice. They want me to be there for them, play soccer or just meet up, I'd try as hard as possible to be able to make it. Most of the time I do, the few of the times that I didn't, I begged for understandng. Any emotions that surfaces when someone is being placed in an unfair situation, I've felt it. Why? Cause sometimes, when you try so hard to be understanding for someone, people may not reciprocate the same way. We tend to love to just take and not give back. We've grown to the point where we think that everything is up for the taking. We forgot the meaning of courtesy, the meaning of understanding. Why am I being so temperamental right about now? Guess I've always felt that when one tries very hard for someone, it is logical to be reciprocated back not exactly equal but fair amount of reciprocation.

I've been trying as hard as possible to take a day off, whenever my friends tells me that we have jamming session, recording session or a soccer match. I felt that thats the most I could do. Though I can't stop myself from feeling that I'm treated unfairly when people pressures me to be able to be there when I've already told them I can't. I am very sick and tired of saying 'Ok, I'll make it', when most of the god damn time, they do not try enough to actually conform to my restrictions. They know I'm done with work at 5 but they can only do a certain activity before 12pm, so what do they do? They ask ME to take an off instead so that I can fit in nicely to their plan. So what about MY plan? Have you ever put into consideration about that? Yeah sure, that other time but I've got a JOB and YOU don't. So why am I having to say I can make it even when I have a job but you god damn can't, when you don't have an effing job. For goodness sake, why do I have to be told to take an off cause you can't make it after 5?

I'm sorry the post spiraled out of control but I couldn't contain this anger anymore. What I've always wanted is some understanding and for them to reflect on themself. I've done alot and I feel that I deserve some sort of gratification in a form of understanding. Whenever they say they can't make it, its ok for them and say lets postpone it. When I ask to postpone, I was told to try and get an off from my job. There is a limit on how selfless I can be, but when you try to cross that line, I'm not willing to conform to your needs anymore.

Labels: angry

arfandi used up his time at 7:27 PM