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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

This is what I did on a night that I'm suppose to be sleeping. It's 5.45 AM now, and I have no idea why I'm still awake. Most probably my plan of delivering my dued uniform back to my former workplace is cancelled again. Yikes, when will I ever get that plan initiated. It's due this week. Guess reading November last year's edition of LIME didn't bore me enough to make me sleep. There's not really anyone online who'd entertain my nightly whims, which are becoming quite frequent due to my sleeping in late every day.

Was just scrolling along my folders and files, and realised that I've been procrastinating alot on my old works. Like the Desrosiers project. Been neglecting it for 2 months now. Maybe longer cause I remember I was really busy with my job. So guess what, I actually got around finishing it, minus the background, just now. My recent art work has been alot of vector realism, whatever it is called, so I opted for a really solid, cartoony feel for this one. Did alot of editing to the original line art, you don't want to see how the original line art was. You'd really tear yourself with your own blood. (Sorry dude, Haha.) Was already half-way through colouring the whole character, just had to finish up on the shin guards and weapons. I honestly feel that the gold part for the scabbard was pathetic, tried to make it as realistic as possible though. Anyway, here's the picture minus the background. Might be doing it some time in the future if I'm hard working enough.

Comment while you're at it alright. There's definitely alot of people who'll just whisk by this blog and not drop a tag.

arfandi used up his time at 5:45 AM

Friday, May 18, 2007

"I admit I'm behind alot of people but I don't need you people to snigger at me and tell me things that are already obvious to me."

Haha, ok just wanted to let that out. Its just an answer to the pessimism in the depth of my heart. You know, that our heart likes to venture into the dark side of the moon and makes you think negatively. I still have no idea why we like to take the bad things in life and blow it out of proportion to make it look like its of a significant deal. Is it the need to make you gain pity from others, make your situation pitiable that it'll attract attention from people who'd never give a second look? Guess wallowing in the dull ache seems more bearable than feeling pain, facing the full brunt of the force.

I've had my own fair share of being pessimistic about the things around me. I could have chosen to look at it in a better perspective but I chose to look at it in a negative way. Feeding my eternal angst during teenage life was as easy as ignoring everyone and convincing myself that everyone's out to get you. Pretty stupid huh? Though that's exactly what happened. I won't deny that I was asking for pity but I can't understand, why I needed so much pity at that time. Attention? Thinking back, guess I was still an incomplete person with an incomplete personality. Loneliness seemed so distant, but it was neverending back then. Constant dull feeling in your heart at every single waking hour of my life. Bottom line is, teenage angst for me was extremely overblown.

Though I'm not saying that I'm a very, very optimistic person now. I'm just saying that I'm able to tell myself, "There's two side of things around here. Think!". Growing up and coming to terms with things are just one thing to toughen your mentality and allows you make your decision with a better view of the situation. These day, I rarely get angry unless someone aggravates me.

One emotion that I really hate the most is 'guilt'. It's that gnawing sensation in your heart. It's not exactly painful but just extremely annoying. It's extremely persistent no matter how much you try to redeem yourself. I've felt that feeling one too many times I guess. Like the first time I lied to my mum, the first time I skipped school and all the bad things I did for the first time. But, maybe it's good I still have a sense of guilt. It's sad when a person loses the feeling of guilt.

"I'm not going to waste all my time being regretful of what I did in the past. The reality is now. Living it, is what I need to do."

arfandi used up his time at 8:20 PM

Saturday, May 12, 2007

"to the praying mother, the worried father, let your children go~"

I have no idea why but I really find myself please-d when I read a well written, well punctuated and well grammar-ed article off some blog I bump upon. I'm not saying that my articles are exemplary for those mislead ed people, it's just this personal pleasure in reading extremely clear and straight to the point posts. Maybe the fact that everything is just so finely and systematically laid out right in front of you makes you feel, well, well-informed. I wonder if your grasp of the English language naturally gets tighter when you grow older but I hold on to that hope at least, for the moment. Alright, since that's off the bat, on to the real topic here.

I've made sure that the font size for my posts are readable, it was an extreme eyesore before due to its tiny size. I have no idea why I'm more motivated to actually update my blog now. Maybe that's due to me resigning from my job recently and living a rather sloppy lifestyle. Sure it's all fun in the beginning but you'll run out of things to do sooner or later. On a side note, listening to The All-American Rejects gives you an induced sense of calmness. Try it.

Oh yeah, since we were on the topic of Art in my previous post, I'd might as well share the times I had with another two not-so-arty farty dude stuck in a very, very weird class with people who tries very hard to embrace the meaning of Art. It's kind of a losing battle though. The journey of me in a room with a majority of peoples that are trying to find their identity somewhat or another in Art. Me? I was forced. I clearly stated and proven with my result that I was better in Design and Tech, but no, they placed me in Art. Which smart guy up there actually thought I would be happy about it but lucky for them, I was an anti-social dude who had nothing to do with the world. So yeah, luckily though, or maybe unluckily if you put it in another context, I was together with these two dudes who are kind of known to be great at drawings. Though they were my two friends who I clinged upon through the two years I tried understanding Art.

Though whatever that has happened in that class was rather insignificant except for the fact that the three of us, these three dudes are nowhere in the current dimension most of the time. Most of the time we're singing, OK well Rauff singing, Zali tapping his fingers and me humming the guitars to some song we agreed upon. Figures out, everyone actually knows we're doing it but didn't bother nudging us to shut up or anything cause every one's in their own world too. Talk about hilarious, since that got me thinking, who were the people who actually bothered listening to the teacher? When we're suppose to be drawing some art related stuff, we were drawing, well it's still art-related, cartoons on our sketch book. OK fine, someone ought to get sick and tired of drawing the same old bottle again and again. For goodness sake, give us something else.

So what is this issue about me not completing my art work for my 'O' level submission? To tell you the truth, I had no shard of energy left to complete it. Figuratively, I was just 10% left to completion but I just couldn't drag myself anymore to complete it. The preparatory work was extremely energy draining and agonising which left me literally devastated of intangible energy. Fine, that was rather over dramatic but what do you expect when I couldn't even remember that the deadline was just in 2 hours time and I was still at home snoring. You get the picture right? So how come I still got a C6 for my Art? Well, I had well, honestly speaking voluntary effort from people which I didn't remember asking for relief. I had my own teacher trying to finish up my art piece with a couple of very random people painting the spiders. I was pasting my cut up drawings meant for preparatory work onto my huge black piece of abysmal cardboard which is suppose to serve as my preparation to the Art piece I was about to submit. Shockingly, to my own dismay, the art piece was actually completed and done. To all the people who helped me, intentionally or unintentionally through out the period of time, to be exact 2 hours to submission time, thank you for all your effort. Though, the lousy thing is, at the end of the day, I didn't even bother including Art in my L1R5 or R4 for the matter. Talk about an undeserving asshole huh? Though, either way, I appreciate you guys effort and from the deepest depth of my heart, Thank You, for pulling me through even when my sole being has forsaken my own art piece.

"and if they come back, they'll come home stronger. And if they don't you'll know~"

Labels: 'O' Level, Art

arfandi used up his time at 12:35 AM

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I don't think you guys really knew about this side of mine. I love to draw. Seriously. Though I tend to hate the things that I had to draw back in the Secondary School days, preparing for my 'O' Level Arts which I never really bothered putting much effort. Who would when all the time you had to keep on drawing the same thing over and over again just so that you can fill up your preparatory work. Blasted Arts.

Well, on to the topic, I do actually like drawing though I'd prefer drawing something at my own pace and my own spark of inspiration. Or, sitting down on the table and try to think of something to draw. I don't really like to draw rigid stuff like buildings or cars, but more natural stuff like nature and people. A tad disadvantageous to me but I never decided that it'll be something serious. People tend to be too serious about the things that they're good at.

Back then, I used to really envy the people that we're able to draw, be it great or just well, definitely better than me. I couldn't really draw anything cause I kept telling myself theres no way I could draw something like that. Though, things turned out for the best, when I found a site where I could just mess around and draw whatever I like without anyone dissing you for being a newbie or amateur. The people there were quite supportive and kept giving great pointers, cause I know and they know that they're amateurs too. If you're wondering, that place is actually an internet forum. Surprising huh?

From there on, I tried and practiced on my own and not to say my work was really great, but at least it's much better than when I started off.

Haha, ok alright. Enough of my past, might enlighten you guys more on my past in future posts. Just wanted to get this off my chest.

arfandi used up his time at 1:55 AM

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