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Sunday, February 24, 2008
arfandi used up his time at 11:48 AM
Saturday, February 23, 2008
"Motivation is what makes people do their greatest" Why did I start a post with that? Well, the thing is, that same sentence was said by someone whom I thought and never knew, led a life full of downhills than most of us ever, could have imagined. I don't intend to expose the name, cause the fact that he actually told me of how his life was and life is, is something that I felt, was earned through trust. What I heard from him, the life he led and the life he leads now, I came into realisation of how much of a whiny, unworthy and unappreciative person I may or may not used to be. Hearing the life that person has shared with me, made me think, and reflect on what I have said or done in the past. My unappreciative attitude kinds of lashes back at me when I realised that, hey, I'm not so bad after all. I truly want to share with you the trials and tribulations that 'he' went through, of how he almost gave up on life only to recover and realise that there's more to life that what he seemed it to be. Somehow, hearing his stories made me realise that, what he said might sound like what is written in a non fiction book, but instead what had exactly happened in his life. I guess I won't divulge more on this, cause I might fray and accidentally tell the whole story. Ok, so basically my last field camp is over. For now. 1 more week, and 2 days. 28 km. Then, it's my Corporal rank. Why the hell am I going through all this for a pay raise? Oh wait, at least it's better than being stuck being a Private. Better drill that in my mind. I don't want to be carrying those things that I saw in Tekong. No. No way. arfandi used up his time at 9:38 PM
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Alright, I did promised you guys that I'm gonna update this week. I don't wanna eat banana peels just because of not updating. Though I'm short of time, ah forget it. I'm definitely not gonna sleep early cause I am ALREADY lacking my civilian life. This is due to the fact that tomorrow, I have to do guard duty. No point asking what the hell that is, it'll bore the crap out of you. Seriously. So, before I start to deviate from the main purpose I'm updating is that, in 3 weeks time, I'm officially a Corporal. Wow, after 3 months of total crap (ok, they weren't that crappy)I am only a Corporal. This does makes me feel how pathetic NCC is cause in 3 days, recruits can easily get their Lance Corporal rank, and another 3 days for their Corporal rank. This does makes you think that, damn, NCC does exclude ALOT of things from what the real Army is doing. So what is the point then of joining NCC? Now that I think about it, man, being a Sergeant in the NCC is a total what the f*ck. Seriously. I duely feel guilty for being excessively arrogant when I was a Sergeant in NCC. Damn, now I know the whole Army is laughing at us so called 'Sergeants'. More like child's play in their eyes. Anyway, I won't go further dissing NCC anymore due to irregretably participation of it back in my secondary school days. Back to the topic of SISPEC, I feel kinda sad now leaving the place after settling down comfortably in the company. That's the sucky thing about being a trainee. Nothing last that long. When you get close enough to each other, you're separated from there. Seriously, it's heartbraking. Oh did I told you I was selected to go for Fitness Specialist selection. 'Selection' not 'Selected'. Get the difference? So I'm not a fitness specialist yet. Though, I have no idea how they go about doing the selections. Somehow, I have a slim chance, but oh what the hell. At least it's way better than having to go through ASLC. Thailand doesn't bode well with me, somehow. No offense. Alright, that's it for this week. Damn, I want a longer weekend, it's blasphemous to call this few hours I had as a 'weekend'. Till next time. arfandi used up his time at 11:38 PM
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Excerpt from 17 Aug 2006. Dear, That's a funny way to start the whole mail, huh? Sounded rather corny but have no idea how to start off. Wonder how's everything on your side. Actually, I've got alot of things that I want to talk with you about. Honestly speaking, I'm very disappointed in myself. I've cried in my sleep a couple of times, trying to figure out how foolish I was. Currently, I know I'm making another foolish mistake again, I've been skipping my business for the time being cause I can't bear looking at they're faces when I say I've been kicked out of school. I don't think I can handle the workload from that place any time soon. I feel so guilty cause my friends from there needs me, but I'm here fighting my own battles. The battle that has been dragging for far too long. I'm hating who I've become again, its bringing me haunting memories of back then in secondary school. The feeling of uselessness. I can't help that things have turned out this way, but I'm currently in need of someone, my pillar of strength for me to hold on to. I'm so scared right now to even tell my mum. I'll tell her one day, but my heart will definitely break. I'll be disappointing my dad also. My sister will be disappointed at me too. But, I still think that is the right thing to do. I've been lying far too much. They deserve the truth, and what happens goes from there. I won't break down, I won't yield to my emotions. Even if my mum will be disappointed, I'll still smile and assure her. I won't make anymore empty promises. I want my life back. I want it back so dearly. Maybe I'm lost, cause I lost myself in the midst of chasing after something so dear. Yet, I've misjudged and forgotten the promises that I've spoken, the promises I must keep. And I've definitely disappointed you, and I'm really sorry. I don't know if I deserve your forgiveness, I've been so wrapped up with my business, with my problems, with my school, that, I've forgotten to message you nor ask whether you're ok or not. I'm sorry, and I know that word comes out of my mouth all too easily, but I have no idea in what other way to express this. Things have been going hectic in my life, I'm feeling horrible these days, is all due to my own selfish actions. Just feel like you needed to know this, cause I really misses you alot. And I still am, but I don't think you've seen me this down and wrecked before. I want to be able to smile like before, back when my life was just right. But it all have to start with me. I didn't know I was a wrecked. arfandi used up his time at 9:53 AM
Saturday, February 09, 2008
I guess I'll give blogging another shot, after the long hiatus. Oh wait, I won't even call it a hiatus when it's just practically me being lazy to update. Or the fact that the keyboard back in my bedroom is horrible as a baby squid's ass. Not that I've actually touched one before, but you do know how horrible it is when you can just imagine something and know's how it feels without you even touching it. Nevermind, I'm blabbering. Been meaning to update this blog actually, and I am aware that there ARE people who actually bother reading. To that, I'd like to apologise beforehand for the uninformed hiatus. Do you need me to explain again the reason why? So we're fine right? Right. Life's been great, been getting the hang of the Army life. Seriously, how many times do I have to keep on getting myself used to with the amount of time I've been shifting camps. Or well, 'companies'. I know that I've only moved twice, but it's gonna be sad cause my time here in BSLC will be done soon. I have no idea how I'm gonna react when I passed off from BSLC as a corporal. Wait, will I get charged for saying this? I hope not, cause I am pretty sure I didn't define any military secrets whatsoever, unless stating the word BSLC is wrong. Anyway, oh yeah, I haven't mentioned anything about the Chinese New Year, which by my means, the 'longest' ever holiday break I will ever get until I'm done being a trainee in SISPEC. So how did I, or well, we spent CNY. We ate, ate and ate. Sidetracked shopping for a while, and then we ate again. Damn. So yeah, I guess this update suffice for now. Won't be able to update regularly what with the occasional saturday book out from now on. So, alright I'll make a promise, I WILL update next week. Or I'll eat a banana skin. And oh you know we have alot of those in Pasir Laba camp. Till next time. arfandi used up his time at 7:35 PM
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