You're on my list

i have a list
of things i
like about
you

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Chapter 1

'Why did you threw away everything for some girl you barely knew?' Marie started, finally looking up to face him.

With a pained look on his face, Alfie was stumped for words. If she knew that he’s been keeping back things from her, everything would change. How would Marie react if she knew that he left Rosette for her? The truth can’t be exposed. Definitely, not yet. Still, his heart yearned to tell her the things he withheld for so long. Call him a coward, call him anything you want, but Alfie refuses to tell her the truth.

'I didn't leave Rosette for anyone. Everything, just well, fell apart,' Alfie started, a sigh escaping his lips, hoping this farce could hold, 'You've got it all wrong.'

Silence settled between the two of them. Taking a step back, Alfie tried to compose himself, contemplating what to say next. Marie stood still, listening intently.

'Then, why did you go out with her? That girl, Selene.' said Marie, obviously not convinced with his explanation. Somehow the news of him going out with Selene, did not bode well with her at all. The girl who messed everything up. Selene.

'You ditched me a few days before the whole event,’ said Alfie, brushing a stray hair off his eyes, ‘Sure, I did said I'm fine about you pulling out at the end, but now you're saying that it's wrong of me to have went to the event with Selene?'

'Why her? Why all of people? You could have brought anyone else other than her!' exploded Marie, his answers definitely not what she wanted to hear.

'What do you have against her anyway?'

'I don't have anything against her! I just feel that, why her? Of all the people?'

'You mean it was a mistake for me to have asked her? Why do you hate her so much anyway?' Alfie asked, not believing what he's hearing.

'THAT girl made you this way. As far as I know, you should be angry at her, but hey, I don't even understand why I'm being angry at her instead, when you're not!' shouted Marie, fuming with anger, ‘You’re so selfish, that you never stop to think about her feelings. Rosette’s feelings for goodness sake! While you’re moping around thinking about how you left her, you never spared a thought for Rosette.’

Stumped at her words, Alfie couldn't help feeling hurt.

‘Why does Marie hates her so much anyway? And what does she mean I never spared a thought? Every day and night, even when I decided upon letting her go, I spared her a thought,’ mused Alfie.

The atmosphere between the two of them was tense, and yet, neither of them ready to yield. Alfie knew that whichever decision he made, would put him in the wrong light. He dumped Rosette, and that makes him in the wrong. How can he even try to make out of this one if he can’t even disclose the truth to her? Marie, seemingly still in rage, looks unwilling to reason with Alfie.

‘I have always considered her feelings more than I considered mine! All I did was for Rosette, I never expected anything out of her nor was she indebted to me,’ Alfie’s hand gripping tightly onto the railing, in fear of losing his composure, ‘You did not know what I went through! Not even a fragment of it, and you’re saying that I never spared a thought for Rosette? How arrogant can you be?!’

‘If you had really considered, you wouldn’t have left her. You wouldn’t have left her hanging without any reasons! Get off high horse and start being responsible for what you did!’ shouted Marie, holding her rage in, just enough to not unleash it.

‘And what? Continue on being with her, having to live everyday living a lie? That I’m holding on to her just for the sake of keeping it together?’ continued Alfie, steadily losing his composure in this tirade.

The sudden outburst, silenced Marie for a moment. She’s still not convinced with his explanation. At the moment, nothing will. Overtaken by anger, Marie grabbed her belongings and started to leave in an opposite direction. She’s had enough of this.

‘You’ve always been this way, Alfie. When will you ever change?’

Leaning against the cold wall, clad in nothing but his shirt, the chill starts to seep deep into his flesh. With the whole argument lingering in his thought, it doesn’t help that the coldness of the night is not consoling him. Amused by the irony, Alfie cracked a faint smile. Oh the irony. Being left by the one whom you abandoned everything for. Pushing his hair back, he couldn’t help himself from crying. Whatever left of his heart, broken.

arfandi used up his time at 10:44 PM

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I've never meant much to most people. Maybe, it's because I've never really talk much with them, or bother giving much effort in trying to keep in contact with them. Lived life, knowing that I have myself to take care of first before I try taking care of other's. Staunch supporter of keeping the close ones tight with me, I guess friends come and go, those that I've bumped into in life. The ones that affects me alot, and the ones that just brushes pass me enough to make a change in my life.

Every encounter, yields a different future.
That's how significant one person is.

I'm guilty of not catching up with people around me. Seriously I do. I'm guilty of even trying to forget them, as hard as possible before. For example, back when I graduated from my primary school, I made it a personal mission to forget everyone. Start a new chapter in my life, on a fresh page. Literally.

Yet, as time goes by, the past starts seeping in and reminded me that I can never truly forget them. I wonder why I felt that forgetting them was a proper thing to do. Somehow, it's been the reason why I don't even remember any bit of what I went through back then. Still, I somehow regretted it.

Every encounter, is a new beginning.
And sometimes, the end of another.

I wish at times, that I would be remembered. Not for someone who is just 'that guy' but 'hey, isn't that arfandi?'. Though, I shouldn't be expecting that when I don't do that either. Still, it'll be nice, if someone would think of you in that manner. That you hold enough meaning for them to remember you, even as distance separates us. As time takes grip on our life and zips past to the future, we'd still be able to remember each other.

I don't want to be hated for the things I've done. And yet, I'm remorseful. At times, I question, why'd I did all those things before. Why'd I didn't consider they're feelings more seriously? Then maybe, people would learn to consider mine.

Pitiful ain't it?

And I live on with this burden. Pathetically, desperately finding solace in the arms of my friends, but in that security, I might be abandoned. Just like how I abandoned them in the past. Retribution is painful.. I know.

Is there salvation, or will things ever change?
And in your friends you trust, in your friends as well, is betrayal.

Betrayal painful enough to kill you.

arfandi used up his time at 6:14 PM

Friday, November 21, 2008

Well, how's life for me? I guess, it has become a little bit less complicated, though it does feel abit lonely sometimes. Everyone's relatively busy. Somehow disturbing them would be a sin. Nowadays, a friend who needs a friend, have so much things to contemplate about first before he's able to do so. Like, whether he'll be disturbing them. Or will they even have time to spend with you. Guess what, will they even pick up the phone and reply back?

I'm tired, well who isn't? Someone once asked me, if I could stop being selfish. If I could stop expecting things in return for the things that I do. If I could be a better person.

I'm tired, of trying to please everyone when they're not even trying..
I'm tired, of being misunderstood and never bothered to be understood by others..
I'm tired, of not being able to defend myself, by the people who I trust..
I'm tired.

Really tired, of being sad, that I learn to hate being sad. That sadness, will bring nothing but more sadness.

I hate being sad, for not being trusted, by the people that you trust.

At the end, I'm always in the wrong, ain't I?

arfandi used up his time at 6:20 PM

Sunday, November 02, 2008

When you're ready to listen, I'll be hearing waiting.

I'm just sad at the way this whole thing is going. You, Me. The two most important people in this whole drama, don't even get to say what we want to say.

Sure you've shut me off, but when your curiosity kills you, and what I've said isn't enough, I'll be waiting.

To those, who've heard, who've known. Stop fanning the flame any longer alright? I did not end this due to hate. So, don't let everything spiral out of control, and we end up hating each other.

Please, I beg of you.

arfandi used up his time at 12:39 PM

Profile

"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met — unknown

Credits

Shoutmix

Links

Aan Abid Alia Analena Asilah Azie Anna Azri Zulfarhan Dinie* Diyana Fadhli Farhana Hadhinah Husna Junaida Kesavan Pe'ah Pika Pong Princesz Azie Putri Sadali* Saintasia Sarah Sazali* Syazwan* Vanessa Wanie Wa~na
Elkrados* NCW DeviantArt Account Tumblr Account

Illustrations

Oekaki Vector

Photo Albums

Connect Ethel Recording Raye 2004 Raye 2005 Raye 2006