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Thursday, October 15, 2009

Somehow everyone had to at least do an Avril Lavigne.
Photoshop CS4, Intuos4.

arfandi used up his time at 3:25 PM

Friday, October 09, 2009

I've just realised that my last few updates on this humble blog of mine has been short of optimism. I guess I've been through abit lately which clearly needed much of my attention. All in all, all's well that ends well. Right? Right.

So starting off, the upcoming events for the next few days is the Raya Outing with the Kranji '88 batch this Saturday and an Elkrados Outing on Sunday. Supposedly looking forward to this actually. Somehow it's kind of the only proper Raya Outing that I'm having for this year's Eid Mubarak. Excited? Definitely. Been trying to cast away this anxiety by just putting the right foot forward tomorrow. Whatever happens tomorrow, hopefully it doesn't turn out so horrible as I've anticipated in my head for the past few days.

Well, just answering to Hafiz about why I felt like I'm not invited is well, I wasn't practically invited by the organising personnel. Yeah I'm just being cynical about it, don't ask me why but I guess it's still count as an invitation since Hafiz told me that he was extending the invitation to me. So it still counts right? To be honest, I AM looking forward to it really. To me it's just another opportunity to make myself look okay so that they'll cast away the past of me. Aand, I hope I'm doing fine at that. And if you've been following my past updates, you'd be aware that I'm very particular about casting my past away. Maybe I should just learn to live with it and stop forcing people to think that I've changed, even if I did, huh?

The next major event that'll happen is that I'll be taking my Basic Theory Test on the 19th of October. Yeah, it's just BTT, so nothing to be hurray hurray about. Heh but guess it's like you say, the first step forward to having a driving license. You have no idea how long I've been trying to make myself register for a driving license. You have no idea.

So that'll be about it for the events that'll be coming up for the month of October. A probable job application by the end of Octorber, so I'll be quite busy once I've started working. Life's just doesn't give you a break huh?

arfandi used up his time at 2:14 PM

Saturday, October 03, 2009

I knew that there are some things in life that you can manage to make it up to or just simply live regretting it and not being able to do about it. Despite knowing that sometimes people will just forgive, forgive but never forget or some just refusing to forgive at all as well, we try to even things out.

Sometimes, I even ask myself, why do I apologize? Do apologizing a mean for me the make what's wrong, right? Or is it the fact that by doing so, it'll settle the uneasiness that's brewing inside of me? I guess it's a little bit of each.

The uneasiness spawned by doing the wrong things or by the awkwardness when you've wronged someone. Be it in what form and manner the uneasiness is, I guess it still boils down to making things, right. So is it so wrong to apologize sometimes?

To some, apologizing is admitting defeat. Though sometimes admitting defeat would simply be the logical thing to do. Why bother being egoistical persistent about something if doing so leaves a trail of destruction? And when you do get it, what then? That means happiness awaits you since you're the victor by the stepping the bodies of others? And yet, there are still battles that deserves winning. Battles that you can't afford to lose.

And it comes to this, is it a big deal? To win in an argument? I've had my fair shares of arguments. With people I care, with people I don't care. With people that will matter to me in the future. And I realized that sometimes, I just wished I admitted defeat to most of them. That sometimes it was worth giving up because some people just refuse to back down. That some people don't even give an inkling of a thought of what will happen if the argument will spiral out of control and will change the things from the way that it is now.

And I realize now why it feels that I've sinned so much. It's because I've admitted defeat to people who I care but who doesn't give an ounce of a thought anymore. And when you admitted defeat, you are the accused. And you live the rest of your life carrying that sin.

And to those I've admitted defeat to, you never seriously won anyway.

arfandi used up his time at 10:44 AM

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