You're on my list

i have a list
of things i
like about
you

Saturday, October 03, 2009

I knew that there are some things in life that you can manage to make it up to or just simply live regretting it and not being able to do about it. Despite knowing that sometimes people will just forgive, forgive but never forget or some just refusing to forgive at all as well, we try to even things out.

Sometimes, I even ask myself, why do I apologize? Do apologizing a mean for me the make what's wrong, right? Or is it the fact that by doing so, it'll settle the uneasiness that's brewing inside of me? I guess it's a little bit of each.

The uneasiness spawned by doing the wrong things or by the awkwardness when you've wronged someone. Be it in what form and manner the uneasiness is, I guess it still boils down to making things, right. So is it so wrong to apologize sometimes?

To some, apologizing is admitting defeat. Though sometimes admitting defeat would simply be the logical thing to do. Why bother being egoistical persistent about something if doing so leaves a trail of destruction? And when you do get it, what then? That means happiness awaits you since you're the victor by the stepping the bodies of others? And yet, there are still battles that deserves winning. Battles that you can't afford to lose.

And it comes to this, is it a big deal? To win in an argument? I've had my fair shares of arguments. With people I care, with people I don't care. With people that will matter to me in the future. And I realized that sometimes, I just wished I admitted defeat to most of them. That sometimes it was worth giving up because some people just refuse to back down. That some people don't even give an inkling of a thought of what will happen if the argument will spiral out of control and will change the things from the way that it is now.

And I realize now why it feels that I've sinned so much. It's because I've admitted defeat to people who I care but who doesn't give an ounce of a thought anymore. And when you admitted defeat, you are the accused. And you live the rest of your life carrying that sin.

And to those I've admitted defeat to, you never seriously won anyway.

arfandi used up his time at 10:44 AM